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Apple Unveils New iPoop
CUPERTINO, CA — Yesterday Apple unveiled the iPhone 6 and its highly anticipated smart watch to a crowd of enthusiastic viewers. One product that flew under the radar yesterday, was a new product that...
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Barack Obama Says Presidency is The Best Weight Loss Program Ever
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama today announced that of all the weight loss programs he’s tried, being president is far away and the most effective. “Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, hell, even...
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REPORT: College Student Says Roommate is Not Who He Thought He Was
OXFORD, OH — Miami University freshman, John McAfee, says that after three weeks of being in college his college roommate was not who he thought he was. “When I first got to into Miami and got my room...
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NFL Broaching Subjects that are Entirely Off Limits to Joke About
BALTIMORE, MD — In the wake of Ray Rice’s domestic abuse scandal, and with Adrian Peterson’s impending child abuse allegations, the NFL is officially broaching subject matter that is impossible to joke...
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Rhyming Gynecologist Rubs Patients The Wrong Way
WILMINGTON, NC — Dr. Megan Irving of Wilmington, North Carolina has been a practicing gynecologist for the past fifteen years. While she is highly regarded in the medical field as one of the best...
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Intense Salesmen has No Idea How To Talk To Toddler
CHARLESTON, SC — Last week a local real estate salesman and business investor, Bob Noble, attended a barbecue with friends and family from out of town. Since a young age Bob has always been a salesman...
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After Years Of Waiting, Backup Referee Finally Gets In Game
MORGANTOWN, WV — Alex Burke has been trying to be a college football referee for as long as he can remember. After working his way through the middle school and high school ranks, he was finally...
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27-Year-Old Perfects New Condom Buying Strategy
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Last week 27-year-old, Jacob Reynolds, went into his local grocery store to pick up a box of condoms. As he was approaching the checkout line, his regular grocery visit turned into...
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Man Not Concerned About Ebola, Continues With Trip To West Africa
HARTFORD, CT — Robert Wilson grew up in the era where if you had a cut or an injury, you would pull yourself up and rub some dirt on it. In his 35-year career, he never once took a sick day. He had...
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New York Cab Driver Wishes Customers Would Stop Thinking They’re on “Cash Cab”
New York, NY — Larry Hall has been driving a van taxi around New York City for as long as he can remember. He has been in New York City in good times and bad, but only recently has Hall been thinking...
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Military To Start Using Less Aggressive Names for Vehicles
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Pentagon announced today that in a PR effort to make America more likable on a global scale, the military would stop using names like Dagger or Black Hawk to represent their...
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Royals Fan Promises World Peace with Win
KANSAS CITY, MO — Bleacher Report yesterday wrote a heartwarming story about a Kansas City Royals fan being promised a puppy with a win against the Oakland A’s in Tuesday’s Wild Card game. What wasn’t...
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Disney Unveils Two New Flagship Characters
BURBANK, CA — Disney today announced that they would be unveiling two new flagship cartoon characters to go along with Mickey and Minnie mouse. “We love Mickey and Minnie,” said Disney spokesman, Dan...
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Snapchat Hacked; Thousands of Fecal Photos on Verge of Being Released
VENICE BEACH, CA — It was announced today that the photography app, Snapchat, was hacked and thousands of private photos have potentially been accessed, with the threat of being released. While many...
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CDC Issues Statement on Ebola: Are You Kidding Me?
ATLANTA, GA — Following a report today that a Texas healthcare worker who was diagnosed with Ebola traveled to and from Ohio, the CDC has issued a statement. “Are you kidding me?” said CDC spokeswoman...
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SPORTS: In Light of Having A Potentially Good Season, Browns Taper Fan’s Hopes
Cleveland, Ohio — After beating the Pittsburgh Steelers 31-10 last week, Browns General Manager, Ray Farmer, knew he had to taper Browns fan’s expectations. “After that blowout win, we knew we had to...
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Self Proclaimed Hero Can’t Stop Talking About Himself
Chicago, Illinois — This past weekend a Chicago native, Jake Farmer rescued a kitten from a tree, in front of upwards of ten spectators. Since then he cannot stop talking about himself. “Am I a hero?...
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Renee Zellweger’s Face Passes Away at Age 45
Los Angeles, California — Renee Zellweger’s face passed away this week at the tender age of 45. Zellweger’s face starred in all of Renee Zellweger’s previous movies, including Jerry Maguire, Bridget...
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Robert Rodriguez To Shoot “From Dawn To Dusk” Series
Los Angeles, California — Robert Rodriguez announced today that he would be creating a new series entitled From Dawn Till Dusk, which will be a spin off of his cult classic, From Dusk Till Dawn....
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SPORTS: Cowboys Owner leaves Owner’s Box during game to man ticket booth,...
Photo courtesy of ESPN Dallas. During a home loss to the Washington Redskins on Monday Night Football, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones redefined the notion of an NFL owner “wearing a lot of hats.” Previously...
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